Helping you tie the knot

Strictly speaking, all that is necessary for a legal marriage is the happy couple, two independent witnesses and a celebrant. Each party must say the words, “I AB take you CD, to be my legal wife/husband” or words similar but everything else is their choice – and this is where the celebrant steps in.  By Susan McLeary.

Felicity Warren who featured in Wairarapa Lifestyle,Autumn 2018, for her Martinborough Tree Church wedding venue, says, “A celebrant creates a ceremony tailored to the couple they are marrying.  

 “Apart from having the oratory skills, it is important to be a good listener, and to ask open questions so that couple feel comfortable in revealing their story and what their thoughts are about the ceremony.”

 Martinborough’s Dawn McCallum takes a similarly open approach. “I see this as a guidance and support role. Usually we meet informally and just talk. I tease out their thoughts about the whole day and the ceremony. The more information in the beginning the better.

 “I have examples which can help the couple – sometimes knowing what they don’twant is a good starting place. This helps me create a service uniquely about them and celebrates their new status as a married couple.

“I never push any preference. I like to keep the ceremony relatively informal and relaxed, not religious, but taking care of the underlying legal structures and formalities.”  

 Clarissa Waugh is a new Featherston-based celebrant, with two weddings to date. She believes “a good celebrant listens to what the couples wishes are… and respects their beliefs and values. 

 “It’s good to meet, to see if you like them and have a positive connection.”

 There are no rules about where the ceremony should or not take place, leading to some unusual venues. Masterton-based Wendy Morrison rates her most unusual ceremony in two years as “an elopement up on a very high hill, above Pourerere Beach in Aramoana, Central Hawkes Bay. 

 “My husband originally planned just to drive me there, but ended up helping the photographer and me carry gear up the hill, andbe a witness. 

 “At the top, after some deep breaths high heels were put on, the bride’s make-up refreshed, her awesome dress adjusted, and the groom straightened out his jacket.  The ceremony in the setting sun made it a truly stunning afternoon and memorable experience,” she smiled. 

 With 14 years’ experience, Dawn’s most unusual venue was a South African jungle “for the daughter of some very old friends, so while it’s not likely to happen again it was a marvellous experience.”

 “Relaxed and enjoyable ceremonies are both meaningful and personal, and my role is to help couples create a ceremony that suits them. I am as comfortable in a paddock or on a beach as in a more formal setting,” she laughs. 

 Celebrants generally refer to themselves as marriage and civil union celebrants because  that’s how they are officially listed by the Department of Internal Affairs.   

 There are formal celebrant training programmes, such as  the Celebrant School and Celebrant Training College modules which are recommended but not yet required for new celebrants.  Both Clarissa and Felicity are doing these courses. 

 Dawn did the Auckland University of Technology course in ceremonies and celebrations. “I wanted to learn as much as I could and be professional in my approach. I found it immensely valuable,” she says.

 There are several legal requirements, such as ensuring proper identification of the parties listed on the Marriage Licence, signing, witnessing and returning the registration papers promptly. 

 The formal online application process is extensive, requiring written and oral references, a written online test, a personal interview at the local court and written recommendations before approval is given by Internal Affairs.  

 Everyone interviewed had similar thoughts about a typical celebrant style. “I present my ceremonies with a warm smile in my voice, if that makes sense, and yet with sincerity,” said Felicity Warren. 

 “I think that the smaller the wedding the more powerful it is really. My first wedding was very memorable, in the couple’s sitting room. Everyone cried – including myself – it was so emotional,” she recalls. 

 “I'm outgoing, bubbly, patient, caring and kind,“ says Clarissa Waugh.  “I want the best for each couple on their special day. This is one of the very special and memorable journeys of their life and I want to be a part of that.  This has brought heaps of enjoyment so far and I feel honoured and privileged.”

 Dawn McCallum describes herself as “caring, supportive, calming” and this is echoed by testimonials from ‘her couples’, who often say seeing Dawn calmly waiting with a smile helps settle any nerves. 

“Professional, engaging and adaptable” is Wendy Morrison’s description. She is also a professional MC, confident in public speaking.

 “I do this because I love it, because I want to engage with the couple, make their ceremony personal. It’s not my day – it’s their day and I never forget that.  

The Department of Internal Affairs has a list of registered wedding wedding celebrants, click here.

ADVERTISEMENT